The Six Types of People You’ll Meet in Your College Facebook Group

After being admitted to my top-choice school, I received an email a day later with a link to my class’s admitted students page. Still elated about my acceptance, I clicked “join” immediately. Little did I know that sheer chaos was about to unfold. To be fair, enthusiasm isn’t a crime and as soon as we get to school this fall, that group will turn into a “lost keys” and “found keys” page. Until then, keep an eye out for these Type-A characters who will be more than willing to participate in the social media frenzy.

1) The Eager Beaver
This person posts constantly, comments on everything, and somehow knows everyone already. It seems that they’ve made their best friends without having even stepped on campus. They frighten you, they annoy you, but they’re probably gonna end up living right next to you. Good luck.

2) The Questioner
This person seems to have not received any of the university emails with all that “vital information” necessary for your transition into freshman year. There are actually two types of questioners: the clarifier, who is double checking on all the info you’ve been bombarded with, and the could-not-be-lazier, the person who asks the same exact questions that clarifiers have already posted at least twelve times without scrolling down the group.

3) The Rando
This person has evidently never visited campus or maybe even heard of the school they’re about to attend. They ask a lot of questions that are usually answered almost immediately on campus tours and in the main “about” sections on the school’s website. They also post about finding roommates even though everyone knows roommate pairing is random at this small liberal arts school you’re about to attend in order to “foster diversity.”

4) The Attention Hog
There’s always one (or a dozen). This person introduced themselves as soon as they got added to the group. They, like the Eager Beaver, post frequently, but what distinguishes them is the tendency for their posts to always be about them. From introductions and fun facts to artwork to videos of them singing to inviting people to their personal end-of-year events, the Attention Hog makes everything about them.

5) The Future Politician
This person posts links to political, social, or generally controversial issues to try to strike up conversation while simultaneously getting a feel for their future classmates. They want to know who’s a strong debater and they want to know how to take them down. Might as well be wearing a button with their name on it because they’ll hand one to you as soon as you get to campus.

6) You
You’ve heeded your siblings’ advice: don’t post in the college group. You watch, somewhat horrified, somewhat befuddled, as the same 10% of your class bombards the group with random posts and questions. You’re excited for college, hopeful that not everyone is this weird, but mostly relieved that these next four years will be filled with a bunch of crazies just like you.