An Illegitimate Review of the Oscars

Over thirty-six million people tuned in to watch the Oscars this year. I was not one of them. I have seen but three movies that have been nominated for an Oscar or have a cast member nominated: The Lego Movie, Guardians of the Galaxy, and Captain America: The Winter Soldier. As you can see, I am very qualified to give my input on the Oscars and their winners, so here is my review of them.

First off, Neil Patrick Harris was an awesome host. He probably was not as awesome as Ellen because it is impossible to be as awesome as Ellen, but he can hold his own in degrees of awesomeness.

The presenters’ jokes were very cheesy and forced. It was sometimes painful to watch, even though I didn’t, but most of them looked beautiful while presenting. Others looked like they let their two-year-old dress them. I’m sure their fashion choices will be remembered for all of eternity because apparently the public spends a great deal of time discussing who looked good and who did not.

Now let’s get to some of the awards:

Best Picture: Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance)

Unlike the Oscars, I did not make you wait until the very end to hear about Best Picture. I’m unsure if Birdman is supposed to be an allusion to Batman, but it made me realize how stupid Batman sounds. The main character looks like Joe from The Princess Diaries so I approve.

Best Actor (In a Leading Role): Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything

I’m outraged Benedict Cumberbatch did not win this. He’s dreamy and I love him. Also, he’s the only actor I’ve heard of besides Steve Carell and Bradley Cooper, two actors that I do not take seriously enough to believe they’d win an Oscar.

Best Actress (In a Supporting Role): Patricia Arquette, Boyhood

I feel like Arquette has an easier time than the other actresses because the movie was completed over a longer period of time. She had more time to immerse herself in her character and form genuine feelings for the other characters. This gives her an unfair advantage. I’d feel gypped if I were the other actresses.

Music (Original Song): “Glory” from Selma

“Everything is Awesome” from the LEGO movie was awesome. This is bogus that it did not win. It’s a beautifully crafted masterpiece.

Sound Mixing: Whiplash

The guy who cues the music when winners’ speeches get too long is probably the real best sound mixer, but Whiplash seems like a respectable second choice.

Writing (Adapted Screenplay): The Imitation Game

I personally think 50 Shades of Grey should have won. Oh, what’s that? These movies are only ones that came out in 2014? Okay, 50 Shades of Grey can just win next year for it’s stellar plot and totally believable dialogue.

And as always, no Oscars for Leonardo Dicaprio. You didn’t even have to watch the Oscars to know that.

Sources:

http://oscar.go.com/