Nice Try, Kim

BREAKING: Kim Kardashian manages to once again grace the World Wide Web with her rather impressive endowments. Not the first time to share bedroom-only assets on the (computer) screen, the photos from her recent Paper Mag shoot surprised few, angered fewer, yet peaked the interest of many. The biggest question the 360-view shots yield: where on earth does she shop for pants?

For research purposes only, I read Kardashian’s interview in Paper Mag and briefly viewed the photos, somewhat perturbed by her waste of such high-quality champagne, and shared the news with my father, who promptly replied, “I really, truly, do not care.”

And why should he? As Jean-Paul Goude’s article so eloquently reasserts what we already know, the Kardashians are famous for being famous and not much else. None of them, save the younger sister Kendall Jenner, are artists or writers, actors or teachers; a nude photo-shoot for many actresses or female artists would be a statement of creative value. For Kim Kardashian, it was more provocative and for simple fun than anything.

This arrives in the wake of an enormous invasion of many celebrities’ privacy: over the summer, some dozen Hollywood actresses’ iCloud accounts were hacked and private photos were leaked on the internet. Jennifer Lawrence and Kate Upton were among the victims of the “sex crime” and pursued legal action in response. Weeks later, Emma Watson delivered her “He for She” Campaign speech at the UN and was threatened with an attack on her personal accounts as well. Despite being wholly in favor of a collaboration between men and women, Watson was still subject to the bigotry of angry men. Irony? Perhaps. Unacceptable? Absolutely.

And in response to this all, Kiera Knightley, one of the most beautiful women and outstanding fashion icons of this generation, collaborated on a nude photo-shoot with Interview magazine. Tired of her body being photo-shopped to enlarge her breasts and slim her already petite waist, Knightley agreed to the shoot on the condition that her photos would not be retouched: her natural beauty would prevail. The photos are elegant and understated; not at all provocative in the manner of Kardashian’s recent release. Yet journalists and internet scrubs alike censor Knightley and Kardashian’s breasts, and genitalia for the latter, hail them as “sex icons,” and wonder who will be next.

The outstanding notion that censoring nipples is necessary and effective is tired and pointless. Once a young child hits perhaps the age of eight or nine, the intrigue of genitalia and sex organs becomes overwhelming. We all know what nipples and vaginas and penises look like. If you are one of the few who don’t, enlighten yourself with a quick Google search or ask your Sex Ed teacher. These appendages are attached to real bodies of real people – censoring their images, however disturbing they may be, does not effectively disguise the fact that they are, to put it simply, naked.

A popular Tina Fey quote, written some years ago in response to a question on female looks, resurfaced in response to this shoot, claiming that “Kim Kardashian was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes. Everyone is struggling.” Perhaps. But more likely struggling to realize that nipples, like people, should not be censored and that men and women, when exploited, are dehumanized beyond comprehension. The issue goes beyond naked photos – private, public, and in-between – and delves into issues of prostitution, sex-trafficking, domestic abuse, and much more.

A hearty congratulations might be given to Kardashian for circumventing the universal effects of breast feeding and pregnancy. Yet, rather than celebrating her relatively minute successes, one might suggest the Internet should focus less on the objectification of nudity (warranted or not) and more productive things. Besides the fact that its physically impossible, Kardashian’s goal of “breaking the Internet” failed: more tweets were dedicated to the landing of probe Philae on the comet than Kardashian’s bosom.

Mayhap a bigger statement, one that might actually overtake the Internet (though seeing as its 50% pornography and 50% cat memes, that may prove more difficult than planned) would be made by Kardashian doing a photo shoot for a charitable cause such as any of the sex-related crimes above. Should she ever deign to look into that line of philanthropy, I have no doubt that someone may finally care.